I don't like writing. It's fun but I don't like doing it. Not lately. Getting thoughts out, yes. Getting information, learning, figuring things out, yes, yes, yes. Seeing the story unfold and even going on the adventure in the Samurai Ruach series, and even learning all of the philosophy and spirituality stuff-- excellent! WRITING? No. Why not? TIME, MIND, and RESOURCES. You need all three to get things done to the best that they can be done. You can get away with two. In fact, I hear that, in this "reality" this world, you CAN'T have all three. I don't really agree, but I understand it. This project, though, has been on e of the most challenging and just ridiculous things... ever. Did you see the date range it took to write this? I'm still not done, I'm just tapping out! I may come back and add more... I don't know. This is not a good place... not for this.

         RESOURCES... THE HORSE. Write on that. Have a keyboard balanced on one leg. Deal with  just that. Just have ONE THOUGHT and work with that. There's a WORLD of other factors, but just work with that.

         Focusing on just one thought and getting it out to completion... It's like driving on a 30 lane freeway at 120 mph, trying to focus on getting somewhere, but the car goes wherever you look, even if it's for a split second, you might not be able to get back over to the lane you were in. So if you glance over at an off ramp, you go down that off ramp which leads to another 120 mph 30 lane freeway. That just mirrors the realm of thoughts, or the things behind the veil, so I understand that part.

         Sometimes I'll write the whole stream down, as best as i can, because my fingers, no matter how well I type (unless I learn some stenographer shorthand), cannot move as fas as my mind is unraveling things and moving things around. On top of that, all of the red lines on the screen from teh spellcheck that only points out where mistakes are but doesn't fix anything, gets ANNOYING and frustrating. I don't like the idea of neurolink, but I understandhow it can be useful, and why peopl ewill go for it. See that there? All of thos ewords mispelled? That's what it's like, and I wasn't even rushing. For one, the keyboard doesn't work on the laptop, so I'm borrowing a USB keyboard which SITS ON TOP OF THE LAPTOP KEYBOARD, so when things feel like working there they will, which will put the cursor wherever it wants to go. I don't have a desk I have a tv table. There are issues. THE HORSE.

         ANYWAYS, so I'll get that all typed out, come back and fix it, which when re-reading it will cause MORE THOUGHTS and open things up wider, then pick the parts that stand out to develop those individual thoughts, and make some sense of it all, part b part. It's all worth something but in the moment some things stand out more than others. After I get that far, living life will distract me with some problem that arises because I'm not in the right place for me, but it works for the greater balance of life (which is why I'm trying to get to the bottom of "Made in the image of God", because GOD goes against the natural flow of life) and some--no--A LOT OF TIMES I'll only get down maybe 5 or 10 lines before living becomes so annoying I just have to STOP and go deal with it. SO, back to the freeway... Picture being on that freeway, 30 lanes, driving 120 mph, and getting somewhere, seeing a destination and 100 ways to get there, and the 1000 places it goes to, then ABRUPTLY GET OFF AND GO TO ANOTHER PLANET.... that is hostile and drains you... Be there until the sky looks different... now come back to your car that's almost out of gas, and for some reason won't start and the alignment is off. That sounds accurate.

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         Later on, life will bring these things back to me, multiplied. For instance, I'll get a thought... just a thought, and talk myself thorugh it. No means to get it down, but at least talk it out in my head until it settles and I'll have something to try to remember later-- creating some anchor point to find when the smoke and chaos clears, and grab on, and reel myself back into the thought. So I'll get that far. And then distractions. And the thought is waaaaay gone. Later on, there will be 3 or whatever videos in the youtube feed about that thing, I'll see a commercial about it, and hear a song about it or it will be mentioned in a sermon or talk-show on the radio (I listen to talk radio, usually Christian channels or NPR) DURING THE DISTRACTIONS.

         I keep talking about distractions.... AS I'M TYPING THIS... since it's happening, just so you can see it... We were talking about something, BUT RIGHT NOW....there's my aunt who I help caregiving for... who is SCREAMING FOR GOD TO KILL HER TO END HER PAIN. Like, the neighbors across the street can hear this. And before I could even finish typing that, she switched to cursing out some slut in a church, and she's PISSED. Pointing at the slut, and really getting in the slut's face. Where the pain went? I have no clue. I did leave her a glass of wine in a glass right in front of her, and some Tylenol, which I spent about 20 mins which did nothing, before i sat down to write all of this after I got her laundry into the washer, trying to get her to drink as she screamed more prayers for God to kill her. She's 104 and has dementia and is bedri--- Uh oh.. back to screaming again. All day, this. Anyways, like I was saying, dementia and bedridden. Now more screaming and cursing at God. And now the "nobody cares" thing she goes into, and how she has a gun and wants to kill her self, and everyone is a jackass. NOW, you'll say, "why not stop typing and help her?" I told you. there's wine on the table. Oh, I forgot to mention, when she was "awake" all pissed off, she's between worlds. She's cursing out people she see's and hears WHO ARE NOT IN THIS DIMENSION. If I wake her fully up to give her pain medicine, she will not take it. If I put it in her mouth she'll spit it out. If I put it in food, she won't eat the food. (Now she's screaming "Why Is God So Mean To MEEE?!?") Focus and write something with this randomly multiple times every two or three hours, or maybe it's a good day and you won't get this until 3 am? Who knows. But she does need to have her diaper changed now, which she'll fight then too. Like grab a poop filled diaper as you're holding her legs, because she's in protest, and then scratch you with fingernails full of poop. And then bite you. All while cursing you out (and other things). When you're done, then she'll snap into being the nicest sweetest "poor helpwess widdul pewrsom" and ask you for [whatever, let's say  cup of coffee] which you'll go and "reheat" an already full hot cup of coffee (because if you tell her there's one there, she'll argue with you, and if she's really [whatever] she just might bathe herself in it and all of the cleaning you JUST DID is now back at zero... which means another changing cleaning fight).... so you reheat an already hot cup of coffee, and when you come back she's sleep. And you have a break... until she starts screaming in the sleep again and the game resets... That's if there's no visitors, or you get hungry or realize you're dehydrated and your body is letting you know, or whatever else can happen (the computer is frozen by then and you lose everything when you have to reset it)... Oh, and if you were wondering about what pain AJ is in, when you ask her she won't tell you or know what you're talking about. She'll just ask you for food or wine, which is already there, and if you show it to her, she won't want it, but doesn't care what you bring her, just bring her something good. What were we talking about before this? That's what writing is like here. Now I can finish-- no wait. The laundry might be done now, so into the dryer... and maybe put the dog back out. BRB....

         Naaaah, I'll have that distraction later. The HORSE is working right now, so let's ride it out. She even passed out again after drinking some of the wine. Where were we? OH, ok, so, between distractions and crap, I'll write some down, or paste (and develop further) some of the things I'll leave as comments on sites, or the thoughts that i talked through enough to program myself, and get a solid point that i could remember it. Usually, if it's in a comment or on some public social site, I'll stop writing (if it will even post) or cut it short, thinking that I'm saying too much or giving too much away. It's social media. There are so very few real people being real people on social media it's hardly worth leaving a genuine human response-- especially an intelligent and honest one. Because of a lot of experiences I've had, I don't particularly care for people. Individuals, yes. People, not so much. It's the way energy moves and mentalities. People aren't human beings. Human beings are individuals. Its a herd mentality thing. A herd is the leader and the angst of the followers, not a group of individuals. So, what to do with all of the thoughts? How do you get them to the individuals who can actually benefit from them? How do you responsibly, respectfully, honestly, FREELY communicate? I guess I'll rant it all out here. If anything, the rants help decompress and destress all of the other stuff. It might even get me back in the frame of mind of what I was supposed to be writing in the first place.

         You need 3 things to be in alignment... which I wrote about... TIME, MIND, and RESOURCES. That long story short, everything in living life needs to be aligned and cooperate to get things done. Time? That gets clipped. If I had the Resources it would be better. A dedicated space that keeps the energy contained and flowing, with the resources in it to get things done-- that's not here. I'm trying to make it here, but that's like why people go on vacations-- because they're trying to FIND or MAKE HAPPINESS. That means you don't HAVE IT. Why live that life? Where everything you need-- not even what you want, but just what you NEED-- you have to go out and find, make, fight for... all the time. If you have to fight for TIME, all the time, that means the time you won, you lost. THAT is a battle of wills... a war of the gods so to speak. That part is in THE GOD CONVERSATION. Moving on...

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         No, wait, she's up now screaming for her mom, and talking to the people... I'll make sure she won't flip the table full of food and pain meds over... that she asked for... and won't take... and will fight you if you try to give it to her... before she asks you for it... All       day      and night. Oh, and while working on this section, on 9/18/25 the screen cracked again when I was going down to the dungeon. I put the keyboard on top of the laptop keys (because you can't close the screen, it won't fold down) and somehow it touched the screen some way and cracked it again, so now there's ... well... When I put the picture up you'll see it. I just tried a few things and it wouldn't work.

         I can take a picture on my phone, but my phone won't email the picture to me. So I have to take the pic, then turn my phone off, take it apart to get the card out, then get the card reader (because the computer doesn't have that slot size), download the pic, put the card back in, make sure it works... because sometimes it just won't read the card until I put in ANOTHER CARD that I know doesn't work, which trips the phone up, so then it somehow reads the first card when I put it back in so I can turn the phone back on. Then I can upload the picture. Why not just get a USB cord and plug it into the laptop? I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF, OR TRIED THAAaaAAaaT! Why not just save the email as a draft, and then open the draft on the computer and download the pics from there? HEY! THAT'S A GOOD IDEA! Why not just save them to a google drive? I BET THE PHONE WOULD DO THAT WITH EASE, RIGHT?! Well you could take a screen shot-- oh wait, it's a physical screen, not a digital glitch in the programming so a physical screen crack and all of the lines and louvers there won't show up on a screen shot, huh? Well, what if you bluetooth synch your phone to-- No, no... nope. No, sorry, not really sorry, but no either way. What if you take a picture in an APP, Like through IG or FB and then send it to yourself or just download it from your own account? BOY THAT'S CLEVER. I did not think of that. Count your blessings. And go to the STORE and buy a shirt or something.

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         Hey, and this is fun, so my phone seems to have added some update or while I was passed out, so now every 12 or so seconds it vibrates with an error message which drains the battery. If I try to open an app or do something, it skips the 12 seconds and goes straight to the vibrate and error message-- drains battery. Also, teh screen on the laptop cracked when I set the keyboard on it to take it back down into the pit, because the USB keyboard leaned athe broken part of the one hinge and pressed on a part of teh screen so now I have to carry around computer monitor to use as a screen, and use an external keboard. So essentially I have a pC but the main PCU is a laptop, where if anything else touches anything then it may turn off (because a piece of a flap (a panel on the bottom of the screen that's taped on) had worn out tape and it moved-- I didn't notice it until the screen turned off because it thought that the lapdop screen was closed (folded down). And the computer is  lot slower when I try to use WIX. I hope you're doing something good with all of the information on this site. Even typing this, I'm typing blind. I'm typing words but they're not popping up on the screen until maybe a full 60 - 90 seconds (or more) later, so I' just angry and typing and whatever comes up comes up. It may skip some lines but I wouldn't know, because I can't see it, and by the time I can see it, the anger would have burned away my memory of what I was trying to say. Have a great frickin day. Now I have to go do crap that has nothing to do with me, and is not my responsibility.